Ok, I'm over feeling sorry for myself.

Things to get done:
(in no particular order)

- suit jacket for Construction. This thing is kicking my ass, guys. I have the proverbial bruises to show for it =[ (due: December 16)
- secret santa gift for my secret santa person (due: unknown)
- secret santa gift for my construction secret santa person (due: December 16)
- part 2 (or 3 or 4) of Zach's present

Last on the list is certainly not the most impirtant on the list, but it's one I really want to get done.

- Start and finish and SUBMIT my entry to the Darksiders Contest on Deviantart. (due December 17)


Good Luck, Sam. You're gonna need it.

I'm tired of being told that I'm wrong in everything that I do.

I'm tired of being told I'm whining when I'm trying to about how I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm tired of being told I don't have it as bad as someone else does.


It seems sunday nights are not good nights.

But I have finally figured out why I've been upset lately. Yes, it's school and yeah, my 'fight' with Zach last week didn't help. But the thing that seems to be the trigger is my mother. Nothing I do anymore is good enough because I'm not doing things the way she wants them done.

Tonight, about 10 minutes ago, actually, I was getting frustrated with my stupid sewing machine. I don't know where the thing is to adjust the tension. And it doesn't really say in the manual (even though it says what it looks like if it's right or wrong) and I gave her the book so she could try to help me. I don't even know how it happened, but an argument started. I'm not even sure. She was saying something about buttons and numbers and I asked which ones. My new stupid Viking has so many that just saying 'numbers' means nothing. But in saying that, I'm being snide and rude. But things got better, and I may have found the tension thing. hat is until I said that I should call Viking and tell them that their directons kinda suck. Then I get yelled at for doing my homework and "you had 5 days to do thing and figure this out. if you had done it then you wouldn't have this trouble."

Yes. I would. No matter when I started working with this damn machine again, I would have had this trouble. I'm not frustrated because it's "last minute," I'm frustrated because it's a new machine and the directions are not accurate. And when I try to point out that I hand;ed this better than last week, I get an eyeroll.

This is why I never ask for help. I don't think it's fair that I'm getting yelled at for something that I don't understand.

And, right. Maybe I don't handle things the best way all the time. Threatening the machine's life or getting frustrated to the point of tears isn't the best thing to do, I know. But it seems like I have no alternative if I can't talk things out or ask questions if I'm just going to get yelled at.


I want to spend less time at home so I don't have to keep putting myself through this, but I have no other choice. I have a kitten to take care of and my machine is at home. If I don't work here than I'd have to spend all my free time (because I have so much of it, you know) out at school, 45 minutes away from everything else.

I understand that college is about working hard and sacrifice, but I'm pretty sure that feeling this way isn't supposed to be part of that package.

Has anyone else seen this?



Pepperidge Farms is selling TimTams for the US.

I know I already did a thanksgiving post, but I need to do this one too.

I just want to say thank you to everyone's really lovely comments and support and awesomeness for the last few entries. This weekend was not easy for me, Sunday especially. You guys made it so much better.

Sunday I was in a really low  place. I had a talk with someone and somethings were said. Not nice things, but maybe things I needed to hear. It was bad, but things are better now.

I keep meaning to comment back to you guys, but honestly I don't know what to say. You've been so great and I'm at a loss for words every time I hit the reply button.


So thank you. I'm really thankful that you guys are in my life and I wouldn't be the same without you.

Thank You ♥

This is really coming out of nowhere, so I apologize.
And I know I'm still young and not married and shouldn't be worrying about this. It's stupid and silly.

I really want a little girl. I do! When I have kids, I really really want to have a little girl, you have no idea.
And if I only have boys, I swear I'll be happy. It's not that i don't want boys, I promise.

I just want to be able to do things like this



I want to be able to do all the cute things with her that I never did with my mom. And I know its silly and stupid, but I kind of feel bad for my mom that she never had that.

Happy Thanksgiving, guys! I hope you all had a good one!


And to all my non US friends, Happy Happy! I hope you guys had a great day too!

totally suddenly have internet on my phone! \o/

And *now* I find out my car is fucked. Great.


So much for a happy holiday season.

I have another reason to why I'm feeling off. My great grandmother passed away late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning.

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but I've had a very short temper lately. It really bothers me that stupid little things have been getting on my nerves when they never used to.

Some of it is me, I'll admit. But some of it is I'm starting to resent they way I'm treated, around home especially. Another thing is, I hate saying anything because I feel like I'm 13 again and whining about stupid little shit.

But honestly, I am getting walked over, and I have been for a while. Just because I'm easy going and I'm very slow to anger doesn't mean that you can take advantage of me. I'm so patient I should be a fucking saint. And it's finally building up to the point that I'm not going to take it anymore.

So fuck you guys in Fashionistas who think you can push the fashion designers around. We have lives too, and just because you want all the glory and want to do none of the work *does not* mean I'll do everything for you. Man up or fuck off.
Fuck my family who makes me feel guilty because I don't do something for you because I already have plans or if I ask you to watch my kitty for a few hours while I go out. I practically raised your cats. I love them, don't get me wrong. I just want a little courtesy. Really, it's not too much to ask.
Fuck school, while I'm at it. You're wearing me down and it's getting really hard to keep trying. I have no time anymore, because of you. I'm either at school or doing homework. I have no time for myself, let alone my boyfriend. I hardly sleep because I've got so much to do. I actually have to schedule in shower time because of you. I'm eating into my savings trying to pay for all the extras you need me to get. I don't even have time to get an extra job to help pay for you!

And I have no idea why i thought I could take in a kitty. I love Scorch with all my heart, and I won't ever let her go. I just don't know how I'm going to work in everything now.

As of yesterday, we have 3 cats in our house. And right now the older two, Sweet Pea and Dinks, are avoiding Scorch like CRAZY.


But, since I love you all, I have pictures!

I have a new kitty =]


her name is Scorch.

lookit the awesomeness that is my pumpkin!




Devil's Trap by ~Nadezhda on deviantART

Ok, this is weird and crazy and random.


I'm friends on facebook with an ex of mine.
When we were dating he was SO against any kind of organized religion, but especially Christians.
(which seems to be the sort of people I attract. even though I have no problem with religion at all.)

He made a status update today that said, "I'm being baptized in a few hours."


Total mindfuck.

Zach and I have been together for 1 year today.



♥!

I know it's Thursday and I shouldn't be squeeing about anything other than Supernatural.

But guys! GLEE. I does things to me. I can't. It's just.



IT DOES.






P.S. I totally blame you Manda. You gave me my first taste. NOW I'M HOOKED.
P.P.S. I have a few comments about this weeks episode of SPN, but I really wanna see it again before I put anything up. Tomorrow, hopefully.

What's your favorite color?

Mine's green! =]

I was told today that I'm a whore.

No, that's not correct. I'm not a whore, because they get paid. I'm a slut

I'm a slut because I have sex with my boyfriend out of wedlock.
(Which is rather redundant, I suppose, since he would no longer be my boyfriend if we were married. But I digress.)

Nevermind that:
- I love him
- I plan on marrying him
- We are very safe each and every time
- He's only the second guy I've slept with
- I was 20 when I lost my virginity and knew the risks

Apparently, I'm still a slut a should be treated as such.



So, uhh... Fuck that noise.
I'm happy. He's happy. I'm not about to let a stuck up bitch who can't get any ruin my day.

How's everyone else's day been?


P.S. I don't have anything against anyone who is waiting/has waited for marriage. Good on you, I say! I just hate judgmental pricks =]

Uuhhg. I have a psychology test in 10 minutes and I'm SO. NOT. READY.




Keep your fingers crossed for me, ok? I might really need it. You know, since I only got 1 hour of sleep last night.
*facepalm*

I feel fine, though. So maybe that's a good sign. ANYWAYS. HI! And now, BYE!

I am totally, absolutely, completely in love with Glee!


I'm almost at the end of the episodes I have though *cries*
I swear, I just watched 1-4 straight and I'm so hooked.